Between a closed door
by losttimelady
Summary: Set after 'Age of Steel'. A Rose and 10th Doctor story about loss. my first fanfiction, please leave a comment. now updated!I don't own dr. who. please don't sue.
1. Chapter 1

_Hi everyone, this was my first Fanfiction I published on the site which I have finally re-vamped and tided up so it reads a little better. Enjoy!_

Between a closed door

One of the best things Rose found about living in the TARDIS was the space. When she lived with her mum in their Powell Estate flat there was no getting away. Many arguments with her mum had left Rose barricading herself in her room, wishing she could be a thousand miles away. And now she was a thousand corridors away from the Doctor. Although the room Rose was in wasn't at all as comfortable as the 'room of chairs', as grand as the Library, or even as calm as the Cloisters she felt it was the best place for her to be.

Rose was in one of the less used, more remote, bedrooms of the TARDIS. The shelves on the curved walls of the room held a wide selection of the Doctor's knick-knacks. There were a large amount of, (what Rose guessed were) power-cells and circuit boards jammed next to incredible flowers and plants from every spiral-arm of the galaxy. Rose felt at home there, in the organised clutter. It was just a place where she could get away from the Doctor, just for a little while.

"_**Where's Mickey?"**_

"_**He's gone home."**_

When they left Mickey behind Rose thought she could cope. When she'd seen her mum, realised she was alive, she truly realised that Mickey was gone. And the Doctor, he was there. But, Mickey, was, not. With a sudden burst of anger Rose kicked the wall of the room. The pain shot up her leg, and a tear rolled silently from her eye. The Doctor wouldn't have heard the crash of Rose's foot hitting the wall, or her yelp of pain. He was spending his time now, telling her mum where Mickey had gone.

Where? He was in 'London' with some guy called Jake. She kidded herself for a second that she could phone him up now and he'd be round by tea time. She'd left her phone with him. Rose collapsed on to her knees, head in hands and cried.

Instantly the Doctor knew something was wrong the moment Rose had disappeared back to the TARDIS. He'd not wanted to worry her mum, so he finished his tea and explanation before finding her. He'd already guessed that she didn't want to hear what he'd had to say to Jacky. Anything he could, or would say to her now, as he roamed the long corridors of the TARDIS, wouldn't make things any better. As the Doctor passed an old, battered door he stopped. In Gallifryan lettering, a sign spelt out the name 'Susan'. A pang in the back of the Doctor's mind sounded, stabbing an old wound afresh.

The time war.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the door. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he tried to get a grip. He could hear a mix of sound, the throb of his two hearts in his ears, the slow, shallow sound of his own breathing, and the rasping sobs of a young, heart broken girl, just behind the door.

Opening the door slowly, the Doctor could see Rose curled up in the middle of the room. Rose raised her head to look at him with reddened, mascara smudged eyes.

"What's wrong?" Rose said, forcing a smile. The Doctor looked puzzled, it was her who was upset, and he, was, not ok. He a forced a quick smile and knelt down next to her.

"You're the one who's upset! I'm sorry about Mickey; I should have stopped him-"

"-No. He's right; he should stay with his Gran. I've got you. Now what's wrong?" Rose said with force, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"Rose, this was Susan's room." The Doctor said.

_Who the heck was Susan? Another Sarah-Jane?_ Rose thought, suddenly loosing all sympathy. "Who?" Rose spat.

"She's my Granddaughter, or was. I don't know. I try not to think about it, cos it's not fair on you, or anyone else. I left her behind. And you asked me if I'll leave you behind, well I don't know. Because a past me left my own granddaughter behind. And now she's gone, everyone and everything, and-" Rose leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek,

"We can cry together then?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Due to popular demand (and the fact that I think this could go somewhere) here is chapter 2 to 'between a closed door'._

They had sat there together for several minutes. Not saying a word. _What was there to say? _The phrase ran through both the Doctor and Rose's mind relentlessly. The Doctor was content with holding Rose tenderly, listening to her calming breaths. Rose was content with being held by the one person in the universe who could understand. Finally after what felt like an age, the Doctor gently released Rose from his grip and stood up slowly.

"Do you want to stay?" The Doctor whispered softly, stretching his hand out to her. Rose looked up at the Doctor as she took his hand. She looked into his brown eyes, and saw they where reddened with tears. He had been crying as he'd held her.

They headed back slowly to the console room down the winding corridors of the TARDIS. Waiting impatiently, leaning herself against one of the coral-like roof supports was Jacky. "Where the hell have you been? Wandering off. Bet you weren't going to say goodbye and all. I don't want a replay of the last time that-" Jacky blurted, letting rip as they walked in. But she had stopped when she'd seen Rose's face, the Doctor's face as well.

"Oh Rose, what is it sweetheart?" Jacky said moving to put her arm around Rose's tear-damped shoulder. Rose said nothing and held her mum tight.

The Doctor walked up to the consol and began to make adjustments.

"Are we staying?" the Doctor repeated calmly. '_Are we staying', not 'are __**you **__staying', 'are we staying'. _Rose smiled weakly at the thought. The Doctor was willing to stay on Earth, in the 21st Century if it was going to make _her_ happy.

"No." Rose whispered letting go of her mum as she did so. There was too much pain there. Too much that would remind her of everything she'd rather forget, for now.

"Then we'll be off…?" the Doctor said flicking several switches absentmindedly as he looked up at her.

"Yeah."

Jacky attempted to protest against their sudden and abrupt departure. Rose again, through attempted stifled tears, told her mum she'd be back in 10 seconds. Jacky didn't believe it for one second, and now Rose didn't believe it herself. The Doctor saw Jacky out of the TARDIS and seconds after closing the door, they dematerialised into the Time Vortex.

"Where shall we go?" the Doctor asked sitting down next to Rose on the odd seat that was next to the console.

"What was your planet called?" Rose asked softly touching the Doctor's arm.

The Doctor's face hardened, as if he was trying to remember. Rose suddenly wished she hadn't asked,

"I'm sorry-" Rose began but the Doctor stopped her.

"Gallifrey." The Doctor said in no more than a whisper.

"Then let's go there."

"We can't. And even if we could, we can't."

"Why?" Rose asked, she thought the TARDIS could go anywhere. Then again, she'd learnt the hard way that this wasn't always true. Before Rose could think of Mickey again the Doctor broke the silence.

"Well, how would it look if we were to turn up say, a year before the time war changed anything and said 'oh, this is nice, shame the Daleks are going to destroy it in a year.'?" The Doctor had a distinctive tone of knowing and regret in his voice.

"You told me you couldn't have saved your family, didn't you, when I tried to save my dad. Bet you thought I was greedy, wanting more than I have, when you had nothing, well, nothing and the TARDIS." Rose said standing up, hoping that the Doctor would want to be alone.

"_**That was our first date."**_

"_**We had chips."**_

Thoughts of all they had been through flashed through the Doctor's mind. The end of the world, ghosts, Daleks, werewolves, Jacky.

"Wait." The Doctor said as Rose disappeared into the depths of the TARDIS. Rose froze and turned to look at him,

"What?"

The Doctor walked over in only a few strides and took Rose's hand.

"My Rose. I wanna show you something." He lead her by the hand over to the consol and after setting a quick course they went spinning off into the depths of the Time Vortex and towards another time and place.


	3. Chapter 3

_Violets are blue; roses are red, by popular demand there's more to be read._

_(Bit of word play there. Not a fan? Never mind)._

The ancient engines of the TARDIS grinned to a halt, signifying they had landed.

"What's out there?" Rose said clinging to the Doctor's arm trying to make sense of the mass of symbols on the screen in front of them.

"It's a planet that orbits a star in the Andromeda galaxy. It's never had a name, and never will."

"Why?"

"Because it is indescribable. Anyone who has ever visited here have given it there own names, 'the God place', 'heaven', 'nirvana'." The Doctor said pointing at clusters of symbols on the screen, which Rose guessed told him those names. "It's claimed to be the most beautiful place in the universe."

The Doctor left his jacket on one of the coral-like supports by the door and headed out of the TARDIS. Through the half opened door Rose could see sheets of glittering white. _Ice? _Rose wondered and she walked out into the open, bracing herself for the cold.

Rose gasped. Stretching out as far as the eye could see were plains and plains of ice, coloured in pastel hues. Beautiful trees of greenish glass jutted out of the massive architecture of the cliff walls. It was cold, but at the same time it wasn't. As if it should be there at all. That the ice should just melt away and revile a landscape of rock pinks and spring flowers. It reminded her of a photograph of Iceland she had seen once. She'd stared at it for hours during many long Geography lessons. 'The land of Ice and fire', was the caption. A gentle breeze rustled the glass leaves of the trees and a haunting sound of wind chimes filled the air.

The Doctor broke the silence.

"What can you see?" he asked as he peeled his jacket off and sat down on the solid ice. Rose was confused. Surely he could see what she could see? Surely he could see the endless sea of ice that stretched out for miles in front of them.

"Ice. Giant plains of glassy seas." She said mesmerised still by the view.

"Really?" The Doctor said lying back on the ice. "I can see the grand gardens of Gallifrey. I'll show you." He stretched out his hand and she took it. Instantly the ice melted into a huge regal walled garden, roofed with a burnt orange sky. And Rose understood. He may not be able to show her Gallifrey but he could show her this. But how?

"Where are we?" Rose said looking around the gardens, brushing the exotic plants with her hands. They felt real enough.

"This whole planet has a strong telepathic field. No one knows why, or how, but it produced a landscape for each person. It takes what the person thinks is the most wonderful things they've seen and the planet recreates something like it, or better." The Doctor waved his free hand around to make the point.

"It's nice." Rose whispered. Over the high walls she could faded buildings, as if the Doctor had slowly began to forget what it was like beyond the gardens.

"I know. I went here after the last battle; I needed a place to regenerate. It was the first place I thought of." The Doctor said, he saw a confused expression on her face, but it softened as she realised what he'd meant.

"_**Can I just say, travelling with you… I love it."**_

"_**Me too."**_

"Hay you know what." The Doctor said smiling at Rose. "I could stay here forever. Let's go."

"What?!" Rose squeaked, totally confused.

"Men have gone mad here. Living in a fantasy isn't what life's about Rose. It's about seeing, and feeling, and knowing, and loving, and going. It's not about staying still, living somewhere perfect. Mr Finch offered me a perfect world. But I realised that life's not supposed to be like that." The Doctor said, but Rose stifled a laugh. "What?"

"Sarah-Jane made you realise that!"

"Yeah, you lot make me more human." The Doctor said, pulling Rose along back to the TARDIS.

They stood around the central console, the Doctor making adjustments for their next destination. Rose was surprised that both of their moods had lightened. As if her seeing the Doctor's loss had healed hers.

"There'll always be a distance between us wont there, Doctor." Rose said touching his arm. "What? You mean like a door?" The Doctor said thinking back to Susan's room.

"No, more like a window." Rose said. The Doctor turned and grabbed Rose by the shoulders. "Even that's too far." He said gently, and hugged her tightly.

The End

_I hope you enjoyed that. As my first fan fiction I'm quite proud of myself that I've finished. Keep an eye out 'cos I'll be publishing more stories, hopefully very soon. _:-D


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